two thousand and ten.

i'm excited for 2010.
like every year i set goals yet i fail before 12:00 even hits.
2010 will be different.
2010 is the year i will be who i want to be, regardless of what anyone else thinks.

2009 was one of the best and worst years of my life.
maybe not the best.
but definately the worst.
i experienced so many things that i thought i was used to by now, obviously not.
i went through some new things, which ended sadly and i'm still not over.
i got stuck in places i never wanted to be in. yet i still have to put up with it now. it's stuck with me for life.

here are some of my resolutions:

one.
lose weight.
i did lose quite a bit of weight this year. it turned out fairly normal then transformed into something ugly and unnoticed. well a few people noticed. a few people cared. but i hide things so well no one ever caught on. i've accepted my weight is always going to bother me. i'm just going to have to suck it up and deal with it.

two.
stand up for myself.
i never stand up for myself because i am too scared to make people mad or i think they will hate me.
well fuck that.
if they don't like me for speaking my mind they can go....yes i'll stop before i start using 4 year old sounding threats.


three.
study and get work experience.
considering i'm going into year 12 and the industry i want to work in is highly competitive and difficult to succeed in. but not impossible. therefore i need all the help i can get.

four.
not push people away.
it's a habit.

five.
be more independant.

that's all for now.
i'll add more later (:
gosh i will be busy this year.

Jingle Bells.

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!

I hope everyone has had a fabulous day and got lots of smashing presents.

My lovely mother got me a gorgeous pair of leather nude round-toed high heels.

I now live in them.

I also got some fantastic pieces of jewelry. One of the necklaces I got was a huge grey/silver elephant head! tusks and all. It's so distinct and unique.

I'll post tomorrow about christmas and some other random things on my mind.

I die a little inside everytime I see a grand picture that I can't post.

B l a h.

xo <3

Growl.

I FEEL LIKE PUNCHING SOMEONE IN THE FACE.

Grrrr I hate the fact I get so wound up over things.

I hate the fact I get so jealous.

I hate the fact I'm in such a spiteful mood.

I hate what you've done to me.

I hate you.

I want things to be back to the way they were.

I want to be happy again.

I want it to stop.

Is it possible to turn back time?

Sydney I love you.

Oh hey (:

This morning I arrived in Sydney after enduring a terrible midnight express flight. I seriously think it was the worst flight known to man kind. Purely for the fact I kept getting insanely painful cramps in my legs as well as my stomache and that I was unable to get any sleep whatsoever, which to put it bluntly...I NEED MY FUCKING SLEEP. MY GOD.

So we arrived 7:05 Sydney time, which means it was still like 4am back in Perth. WHAT THE? I should be in my comfy new queen sized bed not dragging along my 14 tonne suitcase down a massive longarse hall. Regardless of my tiredness, I am extremely happy and content to be back in Sydney, especially with my Aunt who is almost as fashion crazy as me. I think I have spent so much time in Sydney that it's become my second home.

I love the atmosphere.
I love the culture.
I love the fashion.

The fashion is truely different to Perth. Maybe not in such a way that there is different clothing here, theres the same stores, same stock etc but people wear it 'betterly' they wear it was sass and confidence. People aren't afraid to experiment and that's what I love and gets me so excited. I always find my fashion sense changes when I come here, it becomes more formal, more....detailed, stylish.

God I love Sydney.

Despite the fact I am running on two hours sleep (I sneaked in a nap as soon as I got to my aunt and uncles house) and walked around Castle Towers for five hours today I am still determined to catch up on all my blogs and with my friends.
Who I sorta miss.
Sorta ;P.

RIP BRITTANY MURPHY <3

God she was such a beautiful woman.

A fantastic actress and an amazing singer.

She will be missed an insane amount.

Rest in peace...<3.

Himerus and Eros.

Mirror Mirror on the Wall.

I've always had a love/hate relationship with mirrors.
I would be dead without one but they make my life difficult.

I admit that I am one of the most veinest girls you will ever meet.

I know that. My friends know that. My mum knows that.

I'm one of those girls who needs make-up. Always. Regardless of where I am or what I happen to be doing. It doesn't matter if I'm with my family or a friend I consider one of my "favourites", if I don't have it, I feel naked. I feel exposed and vulnerable, you could probably say that it is somewhat of a mask. Even when I'm heading down to the gym I always make sure my foundation is covering my face and my eyeliner isn't smudged.

I'm one of those girls who need to do her hair.
I hate my hair. It's a huge mess of nothing.
But regardless of this, I need to straighten it, I need to blow dry it, just so I know that I attempted to make it look presentable.

Along with these things I NEED.
I need a mirror.
No matter how much I hate them.
I'm the sort of person who looks at their reflection wherever they can sneak a peek.
Shop windows, classroom windows, the bus door, the darkened screen on my mobile, the microwave door.

It's not because I love looking at myself.
It's not because I love what I see.
It's because I need reassurance.
I need to know what I look like.

I need to check my outfit is sitting properly.
That my hips don't look too big in my dress, that my shorts don't make my legs look stumpy.
To be sure that I shouldn't have worn a long shirt to cover the top of my arms.

No matter how much I hate what I see in the mirror.
That I feel depressed after over-anylsising every part of my body.
That I sometimes run to bed just so I can hide from the world so no one see's me.
Or that I sometimes AVOID looking in the mirror when I wake-up in the morning to be greeted by puffy eyes, a bloated stomache and a make-upless face.
I still need it.

If I didn't have a mirror. I don't know what I would do.
I would feel lost.
I would feel bare.
I would feel even more insecure.
Maybe I'm contridicting myself, because when I DO have a mirror. I feel all these things as well.

Reading over my post, I feel somewhat stupid.
Doesn't it sound pathetic? doesn't it sound so incredibly shallow and sad that someone could be so relient on a piece of glass? A little obsessive much?

But when I think about it. It's not that abnormal.
I know some of my friends feel the same.
Maybe not to the extent that I feel of the need for a mirror, but the fact that they need reassurance, they need to do a double take when they look in the mirror. To make sure they look okay. Therefore doesn't it show that nearly everyone is preoccupied by their looks? Despite the fact that some of my friends are the most gorgeous people you will ever see. That I envy them so completely much, I can't even describe.

I don't really know what the point of this post was.
Just to share something that's been on my mind for a while.
It probably doesn't make sense.
But I just needed to say it.

I'm sure most girls could relate to me on the love/hate relationship I have with the mirror.
I'm presuming anyone.
Sometimes presumtions are wrong so I've learnt.