two thousand and ten.

i'm excited for 2010.
like every year i set goals yet i fail before 12:00 even hits.
2010 will be different.
2010 is the year i will be who i want to be, regardless of what anyone else thinks.

2009 was one of the best and worst years of my life.
maybe not the best.
but definately the worst.
i experienced so many things that i thought i was used to by now, obviously not.
i went through some new things, which ended sadly and i'm still not over.
i got stuck in places i never wanted to be in. yet i still have to put up with it now. it's stuck with me for life.

here are some of my resolutions:

one.
lose weight.
i did lose quite a bit of weight this year. it turned out fairly normal then transformed into something ugly and unnoticed. well a few people noticed. a few people cared. but i hide things so well no one ever caught on. i've accepted my weight is always going to bother me. i'm just going to have to suck it up and deal with it.

two.
stand up for myself.
i never stand up for myself because i am too scared to make people mad or i think they will hate me.
well fuck that.
if they don't like me for speaking my mind they can go....yes i'll stop before i start using 4 year old sounding threats.


three.
study and get work experience.
considering i'm going into year 12 and the industry i want to work in is highly competitive and difficult to succeed in. but not impossible. therefore i need all the help i can get.

four.
not push people away.
it's a habit.

five.
be more independant.

that's all for now.
i'll add more later (:
gosh i will be busy this year.

Jingle Bells.

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!

I hope everyone has had a fabulous day and got lots of smashing presents.

My lovely mother got me a gorgeous pair of leather nude round-toed high heels.

I now live in them.

I also got some fantastic pieces of jewelry. One of the necklaces I got was a huge grey/silver elephant head! tusks and all. It's so distinct and unique.

I'll post tomorrow about christmas and some other random things on my mind.

I die a little inside everytime I see a grand picture that I can't post.

B l a h.

xo <3

Growl.

I FEEL LIKE PUNCHING SOMEONE IN THE FACE.

Grrrr I hate the fact I get so wound up over things.

I hate the fact I get so jealous.

I hate the fact I'm in such a spiteful mood.

I hate what you've done to me.

I hate you.

I want things to be back to the way they were.

I want to be happy again.

I want it to stop.

Is it possible to turn back time?

Sydney I love you.

Oh hey (:

This morning I arrived in Sydney after enduring a terrible midnight express flight. I seriously think it was the worst flight known to man kind. Purely for the fact I kept getting insanely painful cramps in my legs as well as my stomache and that I was unable to get any sleep whatsoever, which to put it bluntly...I NEED MY FUCKING SLEEP. MY GOD.

So we arrived 7:05 Sydney time, which means it was still like 4am back in Perth. WHAT THE? I should be in my comfy new queen sized bed not dragging along my 14 tonne suitcase down a massive longarse hall. Regardless of my tiredness, I am extremely happy and content to be back in Sydney, especially with my Aunt who is almost as fashion crazy as me. I think I have spent so much time in Sydney that it's become my second home.

I love the atmosphere.
I love the culture.
I love the fashion.

The fashion is truely different to Perth. Maybe not in such a way that there is different clothing here, theres the same stores, same stock etc but people wear it 'betterly' they wear it was sass and confidence. People aren't afraid to experiment and that's what I love and gets me so excited. I always find my fashion sense changes when I come here, it becomes more formal, more....detailed, stylish.

God I love Sydney.

Despite the fact I am running on two hours sleep (I sneaked in a nap as soon as I got to my aunt and uncles house) and walked around Castle Towers for five hours today I am still determined to catch up on all my blogs and with my friends.
Who I sorta miss.
Sorta ;P.

RIP BRITTANY MURPHY <3

God she was such a beautiful woman.

A fantastic actress and an amazing singer.

She will be missed an insane amount.

Rest in peace...<3.

Himerus and Eros.

Mirror Mirror on the Wall.

I've always had a love/hate relationship with mirrors.
I would be dead without one but they make my life difficult.

I admit that I am one of the most veinest girls you will ever meet.

I know that. My friends know that. My mum knows that.

I'm one of those girls who needs make-up. Always. Regardless of where I am or what I happen to be doing. It doesn't matter if I'm with my family or a friend I consider one of my "favourites", if I don't have it, I feel naked. I feel exposed and vulnerable, you could probably say that it is somewhat of a mask. Even when I'm heading down to the gym I always make sure my foundation is covering my face and my eyeliner isn't smudged.

I'm one of those girls who need to do her hair.
I hate my hair. It's a huge mess of nothing.
But regardless of this, I need to straighten it, I need to blow dry it, just so I know that I attempted to make it look presentable.

Along with these things I NEED.
I need a mirror.
No matter how much I hate them.
I'm the sort of person who looks at their reflection wherever they can sneak a peek.
Shop windows, classroom windows, the bus door, the darkened screen on my mobile, the microwave door.

It's not because I love looking at myself.
It's not because I love what I see.
It's because I need reassurance.
I need to know what I look like.

I need to check my outfit is sitting properly.
That my hips don't look too big in my dress, that my shorts don't make my legs look stumpy.
To be sure that I shouldn't have worn a long shirt to cover the top of my arms.

No matter how much I hate what I see in the mirror.
That I feel depressed after over-anylsising every part of my body.
That I sometimes run to bed just so I can hide from the world so no one see's me.
Or that I sometimes AVOID looking in the mirror when I wake-up in the morning to be greeted by puffy eyes, a bloated stomache and a make-upless face.
I still need it.

If I didn't have a mirror. I don't know what I would do.
I would feel lost.
I would feel bare.
I would feel even more insecure.
Maybe I'm contridicting myself, because when I DO have a mirror. I feel all these things as well.

Reading over my post, I feel somewhat stupid.
Doesn't it sound pathetic? doesn't it sound so incredibly shallow and sad that someone could be so relient on a piece of glass? A little obsessive much?

But when I think about it. It's not that abnormal.
I know some of my friends feel the same.
Maybe not to the extent that I feel of the need for a mirror, but the fact that they need reassurance, they need to do a double take when they look in the mirror. To make sure they look okay. Therefore doesn't it show that nearly everyone is preoccupied by their looks? Despite the fact that some of my friends are the most gorgeous people you will ever see. That I envy them so completely much, I can't even describe.

I don't really know what the point of this post was.
Just to share something that's been on my mind for a while.
It probably doesn't make sense.
But I just needed to say it.

I'm sure most girls could relate to me on the love/hate relationship I have with the mirror.
I'm presuming anyone.
Sometimes presumtions are wrong so I've learnt.

OCD.

I swear on the holy grail that I have OCD when it comes to changing the background of my blog.
I have mixed and matched it, what, 3 times the past month? If that's not slightly sad I don't know what is.

Despite changing it for the umpteenth time today I am still not happy with it.
Sometimes this blog is the bane of my existance.

The past few days I have actually been thinkg about my blog and asking myself "what do I want my blog to portray?" and this has got me somewhat stumped. My blog isn't a full blown fashion-blog, regardless of how much I would like it, or try for it to be. However, it's not one of those intense deep and meaningful "what is the meaning of life?" "why are we here?" "how did this happen?" philospical ones which I sometimes come across.

Although I must admit I like to rumble and rant about random going-on's and give my two-cents worths on a particular subject yet you can hardly call that deep and meaningful.

I came to the conclusion that despite the fact my blog looks a smidgeon messy and all over the place, it doesn't really matter. I'm not doing this blog for anyone else, I'm not trying to impress, or sway people's opinion. I'm just posting random little things whether it's my latest favourite photo or sharing my thoughts.

Thus, as I try and keep my blog looking somewhat organised, I'm not going to be too strict. Because this blog was meant to be fun (:

That is all haha

x

Everything good in life is either illegal, fattening or just plain bad.

God I want a cupcake so badly right now.

Black Dresses

"In muddy grass we stand side by side
With our knuckles interlocked
Black dresses flood the cemetery
In this cliche tragedy

Just do as you're instructed and...
Take this razor and cut your palms
I'll do the same until a river of crimson begins to flow
Now drip your ruby red over the casket
A funeral for my once loved youth

My secret is fatally gorgeous
I'd die for you
But in this Bonnie and Clyde kind of romance
Tell me what would you do?
My secret is fatally gorgeous
I'd die for you
But when your precious life is at stake
Tell me would you die for me too?"

Sources: R Williams and Kinneidigh Garrett's flickr.

You shine so bright, it's insane.

God she is gorgeous.
Can I please look like her now?

Grumble Grumble Grumble

"Hi my name is Hayley and I do not look like Emily Blunt"

-has pretty much become my tagline in recent times.

It takes alot to annoy me. Actually. Wait. It is so easy to annoy me.

And having every second person telling me I look like Emily Blunt-even from people I don't know, really really gets on my nerves.

I mean, I've never really looked twice at Emily.

Sure she's a great actor, but is she gorgeous? I can't answer that.

I don't really have an opinion.

Maybe if someone told me I looked like Delta Goodrem or Miranda Kerr I would be jumping off the walls with confidence and happiness, but this doesn't happen when you say I look like Emily Blunt.

Rah rah rah reh reh rah rah.

I have a horrible thing to admit.
I have never been vintage shopping before.

Okay, maybe it isn't THAT bad.

But it's something I have been wanting to do for a while and have never gotten around to it.
But alas, today, my darlings, I WENT OP SHOPPING!
Oh it was splendid :)
Firstly, I went into the city with one of my friends but we got bored after an hour or two of walking around aimlessly (and after I bought a hot pair of sunnies...god I love them). So we trained it into Fremantle and hit some op shops.

I found a dress for $3 which is a v-neck floral mini. It's gorgeous. I'm going to get rid of the ribbon around the waist to I can wear my own brown belt with it.
And I also got a $5 tweed jacket.
I know it's summer here, but it will come in handy in winter. I'm planning on teaming it with florals and layering it.

In one of the stores there was a genuine Louis Vuitton bag for $25!!!!!
I knew it was real because it had the card and everything that goes with them.
I was so tempted to buy it, however, it wasn't...that lovely.
It was kind of ugly.
No wonder someone donated it to charity.
Although, I was contemplating just buying it for the sake of buying and so I could tell people I had a real Louis Vuitton bag.
I decided otherwise and saved my $30 I had left to add to the extra money I am getting tomorrow.

Henceforth, tomorrow will be another shopping expedition.

This time solo.

New Name. New Layout.

The Girl in the Red Dress be gone!

I wasn't too fond of this blog title, especially since I broke up with the reason behind it. Therefore I renamed my blog and in doing so, did a mini make-over which is only temporary.

'The Dutch Courage'

is a song by my most favourite band of all time, The Spill Canvas.

So I thought it was only appropriate to name my blog that.

However, after further research I discovered that 'The Dutch Courage' refers to the courage and confidence people gain through being inebriated/drunk. Hmmmm.

Not really what I wanted to portray.

I don't drink.

Well, much anyway.

UNDERAGE DRINKING IS BAD!

Yes.

I feel like I am legally covered now.

Haha.

Regardless, this is my new blog title.

Embrace it.

Appreciate it.

Admire it.

Spread it.

:)

<3

Confessions of a Shopaholic.

I love this movie.

Rebecca Bloomwood is my soul sister.

She is basically myself but in the body of a tiny, red-headed woman who is absolutely gorgeous.

If I could only watch one movie for the rest of my life, I think this would be it.

I think.

Huge Dancy is disgustingly attractive though. Seriously. Fuck me.

Gah I love him.

Have my babies?

That is all.

Pure Bliss.

I just spent the last three hours getting fat (on shortbread and chocolate, yes, be jealous, well not really, you won't end up with the extra 2kgs on your thighs like I will) and reading the most crazy amount of fashion blogs, and also catching up on my usual favourites.

Pure Bliss pretty much sums it all up considering I am on summer holidays therefore I can sit around doing nothing all day and not feel guilty about it for two months.

Then, in February, I must get my poker face on (or get off my face for that matter).

As I, dun dun dunnnn, venture into the big wide world of Year 12.

I'm actually not scared, well I kind of am, but I don't really care.

I just think I feel as though I should be nervous and freaking out because that's what everyone else does and expects. But to be honest, Year 12 isn't the be all and end all of your life.

It's a good experience I'm sure. But it's not the end of the world.

I am kind of excited for some of my courses though.

I'm continueing history which should be amazing, and interesting.

I really do love history, I know some parts are all guns and blood but it's all pretty amazing.

Drama should be....fun. I guess. I don't know. I'm somewhat hostile towards drama at the moment.

My most EXCITING class I am doing is FASHION!

YES!

THAT'S RIGHT!

GAH!

I am so goddamn happy I decided to take up fashion again. Well sewing.

I did sewing and such from year 8 through to year 10 but then gave it up in year 11 because the rooms weren't airconned and you ended up sweating all over you're designs.

But alas, THEY HAVE NEW AIRCONS!

Therefore I am more then happy to trek down to the sewing rooms and begin designing again.

That and the fact that my style and taste has changed significantly since I was a morbidly obese 15 year old and I definately take and understand fashion a whole heap more seriously than ever before.

Gosh, I really am enjoying discussing all my random thoughts in this blog.

However, I am slightly worried this post will end up the size of an essay. Why must I be able to write so much about myself and my thoughts but can only write a paragraph on the current state of the Australian economy in my economics exam?

Oh right.

I just remembered.

ECONOMICS IS THE BANE OF MY EXISTANCE!

Which I am happy to say, I will NOT MISS next year.

Thank the lord for subject change interviews.

Anyway, I must be off.

I just felt it neccassary to do a post considering I hadn't done one in a few weeks.

And that reminds me,

how come, the time I was feeling disgusting and gross I just decided to throw together the most random post saying "I feel fat" with quick found pictures, and everyone decides to comment it?!

Hahaha, just my luck.

I'm glad everyone agreed with me though.

I think it's universal knowledge that all girls experience fat days.

Okay.

Now I really am going.

Byeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

<3

Disappointment.

Why is it...

when the most perfect guy you will ever meet is completely and utterly in-love with some other girl?

when you know you would treat them so well and the other girl doesn't?

life royally sucks sometimes.

-sigh-

My Love.

Maybe "love" is going a bit far.
Actually.
No.
It isn't.
Because it's true, I am completely and utterly (and have been for over a year) in love with gorgeous Australian Anya's fashion blog Oui, Je Suis.

http://oui-jesuis.blogspot.com

I would say I loved Anya herself but I have a sneaking suspicion that is going a little too far and will make everyone fear for their lives or just block my site and try and delete the memory of my blog from their brains (because of course I have such an impact on people...) (that was sarcasm by the way..anyway...stop talking...gosh).

Oui, Je Suis is a majestic, stylish blog which is full of inspirational outfits and amazing pictures. Posts filled with images of Chanel cupcakes and fancy jewelry grace the computer screen as well as updates of her daily life and explainations of why she chose her particular outfit.

I am not sure what draws me to this blog so much.
It may be the jealous and longing side of me, who secretly hates her for being so gorgeous and wishes I could put together outfits so effectively.
It may be the fashion side of me which becomes obsessive about anything remotely stylish and trendy.
It may be the fact we are both Australian and young which makes me feel like I know her, or the constant following of her blog (and chictopia) for over a year.

REGARDLESS of the reasons, I believe EVERYONE should check out her blog and definately look out for any new interesting updates.

http://oui-jesuis.blogspot.com

http://oui-jesuis.blogspot.com/

Get ready to be inspired :)

ox

I feel fat.

that is all.